All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
