can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
