I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
