Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
