I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize