I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize