i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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