help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
