we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
pop tarts are not kleenex
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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