whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
