Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
