At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
