Im at strip club and am horny
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
