Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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