So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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