when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
