You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
