my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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