I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
