All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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