Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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