I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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