if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
