I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize