i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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