Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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