Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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