We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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