I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
