im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
