U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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