You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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