I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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