Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
