i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize