I feel great
I just peed on a car
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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