we're blogging at a bar
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
