I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
