You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
