I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize