i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
