can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
