I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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