I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
