I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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