I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there's paper in my vomit.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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