Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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