i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want to make out with him forever
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Pooping to opera.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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