I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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