need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
