Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
