I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
