the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
