Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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