he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize