Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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