All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
