Jerry, you need to find god
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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