she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
