I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
